What is trust?
It seems to be the theme of my life recently, from parent training videos for Peter's adoption, to trusting in someone else to do the required paperwork, to trusting that the money will be there when we need it, to trusting friends when sharing personal information. Trust. It's everywhere right now.
But what does trust really mean? Is it a verb? A noun? What is trust?
Trust is vulnerability. Trust is scary. Trust is respect. Trust is letting go. Trust is freedom.
How can trust be freedom when we are at the mercy of another?
Trust is freedom precisely because we are at the mercy of another.
If I trust that someone else is going to be there to catch me.....I can learn to leap.
If I trust that someone else is there to lead me....I can take the road I've never been down before.
If I trust that someone is there to love me...then I can let go of all the walls and boundaries and learn to love completely, unconditionally, and recklessly.
If I can learn to trust.....a whole world of opportunities opens up.
But if I can learn to trust....Who must I place that trust in?
It can't be solely another human being. We are all fallen. I can't place all of my trust into one individual.
.....or can I?
I can...when that individual is Christ.
He's already earned my trust, but humbly offering His life for my salvation. He's already shown me to what depths He is willing to go to earn my trust. All He wants is for me to trust in Him....
So why do I hold back?
Is it the "fear of the unknown?"
Is it the fear of inadequacy? There is so much that I don't know.
Is it pride, thinking that I know better than Him?
Is it the fear of losing control?
Is it the fear of failure? I'm nowhere near perfect. I fall, daily. Am I afraid of losing His Love?
I want to trust.
My God, I want to hand it all to You and trust in Your love, mercy, and justice.
I really do. I can't think of anything else that I want more than the freedom of completely trusting in You.
But I don't know how to.
I don't know how to trust, how to give up the micro-managing tendencies that I cling to.
I don't know how to give up all the worries and anxieties that seem to plague my thoughts.
I want to love You.
But I don't know where to begin.
I want to fall in love with You even more deeply this Lent. Head over heels, with all my trust.
I want to be vulnerable.....I want to be free.
My God, help me to find that freedom this Lent.
Lead me into a deeper love with You.
Show me how to trust in You, completely.
Make me believe that I am Yours.