The Great Confession

*cough cough*

Hi.

I've been MIA for quite awhile now.   I'm sorry.   Multiple times over the past month and a half, I've sat down at the computer to write, and couldn't find the words.   It's been a month and a half on the front seat of an emotional roller coaster, and I've been unable to put all that is in my head on this computer screen.   There is still so much that I want to say, and cannot just yet.  More miscarriage stuff.   More adoption stuff.   The death of a very dear friend just before Christmas.   Parenting stuff.  Homeschooling stuff.  Updates on the boys.  All of this and so much more.......and to be honest, I'm just not ready.  

But I'm here today to make a confession.  Not about any of that - although I probably should - but about something else.

You see, I had a physical today.  Part of our adoption paperwork includes medical clearances - and it only has a "shelf life" of a year.  We're quickly approaching the expiration date on these clearances, and so Mike and I have had to go around, collecting all of these documents again - we've been getting poked and prodded all over again.   

This includes getting weighed.

On a doctor's scale.

The "moment of truth."

It was not a good moment.   

I knew that I'd gained some of my weight back after losing almost 40 pounds during 2011-2012.   My clothes were snug again.   I even knew exactly how it happened - pretty much from the moment Mike signed on the dotted line to accept his new job in Maine, I stopped paying attention to what I ate and drank and how much I exercised.

And, man, did it come back to bite me.

I am embarrassed to say that in the past 6 months, I gained back half of what I had lost.  

TWENTY POUNDS.

This is not good, y'all.   This is not okay.   Yes, we had a lot of crazy transitions, a lot of emotions, a lot of stress.  Yes, we had a pregnancy thrown in there that led to a lot of nausea and not-so-fun food moments.   My weight gain is understandable.

But it is not acceptable.

I know how to fix this.  I know where I went wrong - and I know exactly how I had so much success over the previous two years.   I know that I can lose that weight again and get myself back into a better position to grow our family, both through the adoption and biologically.     I know I can do better.

And so, right here, right now, I'm confessing my weight gain to you all.  I'm confessing my laziness and lack of discipline over the last 6 months.  

That time period is over with.    

Nunc coepi!

Now I begin!